May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
