i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I fill condoms, not promises.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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