***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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