i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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