So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
