Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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