I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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