cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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