Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
