Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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