you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
