Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
foreskin is a definite game changer
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
