There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
