I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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