I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i dont even know how to be here
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
