um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
