I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
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I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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