I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
