i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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