Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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