So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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