The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
