too bad you live with your parents still
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
