I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
