...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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