I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
