Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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