you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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