I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
