i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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