was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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