I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
