Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
