and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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