dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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