matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
