Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i now understand why vodka
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
