Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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