Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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