My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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