Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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