you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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