i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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