I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
