And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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