they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
