whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Someone shit on the floor
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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