Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize