i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
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I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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