I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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