College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
