jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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