nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
