Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
