Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
