tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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