I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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