Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
