11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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