you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Your penis caused this!
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