im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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