i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
