Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
