saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
