I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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