3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
