Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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