I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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