my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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