And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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