Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
