Moan for me like Helen Keller
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
