On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
