I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
