Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
